I feel so utterly deflated. What a strange choice of word I know. But as of now, I really feel like I have every possible source of energy or inspiration has been sapped out of me. And when I felt that nothing could get worse, it does. Just to prove to me that it can. All I can do now is take a deep breath to plug the gap of emptiness and try to avoid falling in completely. How hollow. I don't even know what to feel. If trying so hard and achieving stagnancy is all I'm capable of, I really don't know what else I can do. It's not even a nice kind of stagnancy. It's a terrible, pessimistic kind that if I don't pull and crawl myself out of it I really don't know if my brain is working well, or if it was wired to be so inadequately appropriate. I don't get why I don't get it. It's just too perplexing why everyone else seem to grasp it but I don't. I try to get it, I think I finally get it, but turns out I didn't. I need guidance, I need answers, I need affirmation - affirmation that I am not what I secretly guess I am.

This strangeness is overwhelming. Overbearing, in fact. Certain things it's perfectly fine to not comprehend, but for this, it is unacceptable not understanding where I have gone wrong, why and where have I gone off on a tangent, why am I prioritising issues that others seem to disregard, what am I thinking that's not supposed to be addressed. So many questions and uncertainties but no answer seems to asnwer this conundrum of unknownness.

They say that each time you sigh a fairy vanishes. I'm so sorry, dear fairies out there, but I can't help but feel so utterly helpless. When there's a down, there's always an up, right? I really hope so, but all these tenuous instances of optimism haven't served me well. It's time to reflect. Reflect like I've never before, because all those previous moments of reflections, they've obviously not been effective given my current and ongoing predicament.

Why has life become so complicated? ;(