I think 11/11/12 will be one of those days that I will never ever forget.. The entire scenario played out right before my eyes. Before I knew it, I was fearing for my life, the building, the world, the man in the pool overflowing with blood and everyone else around.. All these happened less than a day ago. It was about 3.45am to 4.15am on Pepero Day, we were chatting about our lives and our worries and suddenly the loud thunderous noise caught me off guard. I thought it was another thunderstorm but what fell down were shattered pieces of glass instead. Everyone was so confused, so frightened, we all covered our heads and wondered how to dodge for shelter. The huge pipe smashed out of an opening and headed straight for the glass panel above us, the water gushing out splattering anyone in sight. It was such a foul smell and a gruesome sight.. Murky brown water dotted with leaves soaked a substantial portion of the ground while the foremost thought I had was to rescue my laptop, hard drive disc and phone. I knew without my notes I would literally die. We headed off to the left corner where the glass was still intact, where the ground was still dry and where we could hide from the water. Stella told me she saw a guy lying on the ground and so I slowly peeked out from behind the pillar. I was astounded and utterly shocked at the sight before me. Amidst the splattering and the sounds of gushing water drowning the area, I spotted a man lying motionless on the ground.In fact I only saw his upper body but what struck me the most and left me the deepest memory was the amount of blood gathering around his head. It was expanding..the circle of blood surrounding his head. The water and his blood met and merged but the blood formed a distinct pool. He wasn't even moving. Before I could think anymore, the glass above us shattered suddenly and fell upon us as we struggled to sqeeze out of the corner. We climbed over the barrier, the potted plants, and I limped my way out, half wondering if this was the end of me. My foot was really so sore I was so afraid I wouldn't make it. My movement was agitated but slow. I couldn't move any faster. At this moment it dawned on me that the world might be ending soon, my life may have approached its end. I imagined the entire building crashing down on us, the pipes all over exploding into pieces, and while everything collapses we will be buried under the rubble.. As thoughts engulfed my mind I dragged my sore left foot as I struggled to reach the exit, still grabbing on to my laptop. Everything else was left behind. Thankfully I managed to get out, but my mind was still overflowing with thoughts and concerns about the man inside. Now that we have distanced ourselves from the more dangerous area, what about that man? How is he doing? Who is going to help him?? I was pacing up and down, wondering what I should do. Should I go back and help him out? We can't leave him behind!! He is seriously injured! He's bleeding so badly.. Everyone else seemed to be caught up with their own affairs, trying to recover their belongings before leaving the scene, or standing round the corner to check out what was to be done next.. I was appalled! What was going to happen to the man and what the **** was going on?!?!?! I looked at my phone, and decided to dial 999. The first ever time I dialed the numbers and intended to make a serious report. What annoyed and disgusted me the most was the fact that the hotline was responded over the phone to be "busy right now" and that tones of music started playing. I waited and waited, and after two rounds of this did someone finally speak to me. I was completely frantic.. I tried to compose myself and speak in the calmest manner I could possibly speak, so as to convey the message most efficiently. And in no time the report was made, albeit really frustrating when the officer behind the phone kept repeating what I said and double-checking that I didn't make a mistake in the location. In the meantime, I looked through the glass door. The water was spreading across the entire ground level and building up slowly.. insiduously.. Everything was an utter chaos. I thought of the foul smell I noticed when I saw the blood.. It was probably the water, but I cannot help but associate it with the blood. It was so thick and so repulsive.. I really didn't know what else to do. Stella was trembling and wailing, but I couldn't console her very well. I know she has issues with such things, but I really had no idea how to help her. In fact, I was very much more concerned about the man inside. I felt so terrible that we had all abandoned him trying to save ourselves. I really hoped he would still be conscious, that he was still alive. In my mind I asked myself: how was it that he had gotten such a great impact from this that he's so severely injured? I didn't notice that there was a patron at that spot, where did he come from? Was he there all the while but I didn't see him that's why? What exactly happened that left him in such a state?? All these questions but no answers. I was so frightened. What if I was the one at that spot.. It was such an immediate aftermath..
The police officers rushed by and cordoned off the area. We gather at an area outside the mall, and tried to comfort each other. I asked the police officers what happened. Another patron affirmed with me that the man inside wasn't a patron. He wasn't at Starbucks when that happened. I was so extremely freaked out. My imagination ran wild and I really couldn't control it. I began to tear because I know one thing - that he was probably pushed from levels above all the way down probably by the pipe such that he landed in the middle of Starbucks. I can't bear with the fact that such an innocent man minding his own business in his hotel room was so suddenly and viciously dragged and pushed all the way down and was now lying motionless and bleeding on the ground. I wasn't too sure if that was factually true, but that was how my mind connected the pieces. I wished it wasn't true, but the only other reason why he would've landed in this manner was that he committed suicide. I highly doubted this. Everything came too complementarily that the only way this could have happened was my imagined scenario. I started to tear. The scenario played out in my mind and I couldn't help but shiver and curl up in pity, fear and just pure grief.. It was such an unjustified and senseless death.. The police affirmed that the man died immediately from the impact and it was a goner. It then hit me that we have lost an innocent man this morning. This completely screwed  up morning. It was just 4plus am. The police officer took my statement and recorded my details.. I tried to maintain my compusure surprisingly well but beneath this brave front I was quivering, my lips were drying up and cracked from fear and blood was gushing to my brain. I felt so warm yet ice cold.

I didn't know what I was going to do next. We went over to the grasspatch by the road and tried to calm Stella down. But as I glanced over to the scene... workers drying up the ground, police officers carrying out their investigations.. All I could think of was the man.. His family, his life, his unfulfilled wishes and goals. All destroyed by this one second of sheer misfortune. Selfish as it seems, I felt so grateful to have been still alive and that I survived this. This could have happened to anyone and the sheer proximity I was to the spot where the pipe smashed made this danger even more apparent.  All these while I have been complaining, moaning, whining, immersing in self-pity over my academics, affairs of the heart, future concerns. But all these seemed so trivial suddenly as compared to the disaster that unfolded before my eyes. What was I thinking each time I complained that life sucks? Life is such a precious thing!! My life, it almost got snatched away today. No matter how unwilling you are to die, once something happens it happens and there is no way you can avoid it. I hate tragedies but they aren't controllable. Certain things cannot be helped. That is why life is so precious. It is so important to treasure every single thing I have and that belongs to me. Why focus on the things I lack, the issues that trouble me every single moment? Life has given me so much and is giving me the chance to offer more to others. What was I doing willowing in self-pity all the time? This incident was truly a wake-up call to me. Everything that seemed so large, challenging and daunting just moments before were reduced to nothing.

Up till now I still cannot believe that whatever happened just happened. It was such a traumatic experience and the scenario never fails to constantly replay in my mind. The man, the blood, the explosion of the pipe, the foul smell, the water, the thunderous noise, the glass pieces piercing my skin - everything all jumbled up but surfacing in my mind in whatever I do. But no matter what and nonetheless, this experience proved to be a sign that I should slap myself and wake up. Stop overwhelming myself with none-issues and focus on the bigger picture. What doesn't work out now should be disregarded. Stop harping on issues and trying to figure out how to solve problems that even you are unsure of how to settle. Let things happen naturally and don't be so bothered. Don't let such things consume my heart, soul and mind. There are things that I care for a lot and people whom I really love, but if they are going against me and leaving me behind, I don't see why I should continue trying so hard to resolve these heart-wrenching problems. I have been abandoned far too many times. Maybe I should stop trying.. Maybe I should let my heart go numb and forget about these things. Maybe only then can I truly free my heart from all these woes.

Right now I am just so exhausted from everything. I slept with my contact lenses on again as much as I hate it because I couldn't help falling asleep studying due to the attempted overnight stint. As 4am on 12/11/12 approaches I can't help but replay the scene in my mind again. I wonder how long it will take me to let this memory die, or at least fade away. I don't think it will though. This has left me far too great an impact to forget. Let my heart harden and through that maybe I'll have strength to carry on. I will.. I will...